Suzie1318: family

Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Monday, December 8, 2008

Divorce is a long, bumpy, dark and lonely road

Think very carefully before you leap.If it is a case of terminal cancer and there is no cure, then you would need to amputate and remove the cancer.

Those who contemplate this road need to think very long and hard .They must try all their very best to salvage and repair their ship from sinking.

If all your best efforts failed ,you will not feel remorseful or have any regrets because it was not entirely your fault.You did your very best but it was still not enough .

You should then take the bull by the horns and do the best you can in that situation.You will be surviving on one single salary and you will find that you will be like one salary short.You will have no one to fall back on except your own parents if they are still available and willing to help.

Friends will avoid you cause your girfriends would be scared that you might lure their husbands away since you have become available again.

If after a period of time,when both your angers have subsided and you both realized that you want to give your broken marriage another shot, you may reconcile for the good of your children.

If you have learned your lessons and mistakes and be prepared to give and take, your chances of a united family becomes greater.However, if your reasons in getting back is because of the children, it will not last.You will find that life is so hollow.

Do not expect him to help you out financially if you choose to leave of your own accord. Even if you compel him through the courts, paying your maintenance is another matter.You may win the case in court but enforcing the judgment could be a problem .

Marriage is about compromise, sacrifice and love. If it is fated, then you need to embrace it and learn to accept it and move on.

After staying together for umpteen years and you suddenly wake up to find that you don't love that stranger who sleeps besides you every night any more .

Or that you just cannot tolerate him and the mere sight of him can make you puke.After considering all the factors , you decided that it is best that you each go different ways .If both mutually agreed and met each other's terms , then the parting could be cordial and an amicable separations.

Most of the time , however ,it could just be one partner wanting out and the other not agreeing and they don't see eye to eye over all issues.This could drag on and it can cause the children to suffer because of their parents infighting.

According to the divorce laws, they need to wait for 2 years before they can institute a divorce if they mutually agreed upon.If they don't agree to a mutual divorce, after 5 years, one can get a divorce even without the other party's consent.

You can get a quick divorce on grounds of infidelity ,if you can provide the proof.There is another way, no need to waste money on lawyers and you also will get some cash from Perkim ,but it is a way of no return. You can embrace Islam in this country and your divorce becomes absolute .

At the moment, once you enter that world, you burnt your bridges and there is no way back except to live outside of this country.

The fight is usually over properties, assets and custody rights of children .They should sit down together or if they cannot settle those issues, to get a friend or mediator to help out.
One must give and take to reach a compromise.

In our parent's time, divorce is out of question .Once married will be married for life..The women even though if she is treated very badly or abused will stay on ,for she will lose everything if she left.

In the present era , the women are working and able to look after themselves economically and they do not take any crap from their partners.

It is over if they cannot get what they want or that their partners do not satisfy them enough .Parting is such sweet sorrow. If there is no love, what's the point of staying in a loveless marriage.If the parents fight everyday and there is no reconciliation ,then divorce seems to be the best options.

They will share in the custody of the children and split all their assets according to what has been agreed upon.There is no need to cry .It is all over .The children will have two parents and two homes to live and spend their life.

Children of divorced family becomes more matured at an early age.It is idealistic that children grow up in a loving environment where they can get the love from both parents.

In some countries , the divorce laws are slanted towards the women and she gets the kids and the house and 50% of his assets.Some women are serial divorcees and make their riches through this process.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

When is the best time to have your own family ?

After getting married, it is time to plan together for a family. It is natural to want children after you are married because that is the main reason why you got married. Others would leave it to fate or God. Whether you will marry early or late or have children is decided by your destiny.

In the present generations ,many couples are three to five months pregnant when they marry.They engaged in premarital unsafe sex and as a result they became pregnant and are forced to marry to legitimize their child.

Some of them are even in school , just barely 15 and they have to quit schooling .
As parents we teach our daughters to take extra care and not indulge in pre marital sex but to no avail.

Even though she may come from a very religious background, she may still succumbs to those dark forces.Young people are curious and with raging hormones are unpredictable.Usually ,it is the woman who should be in control and if they cannot , then we have to accept the inevitable.

For them , family hood comes upon them and they do not have a choice. For those who are able to control and plan their marriage, family hood should not come too early.They should enjoy each other and get to bond more each other.

After marriage they should enjoy the honeymoon , be free and loving towards each other without any other distractions.Building a strong foundation for their marriage .They should have at least enjoy each other for a year before starting a family . I feel that between one or two years would be most ideal.

This the time when they need to have something to make their bonding stronger.A bundle of joy being the fruits of their marriage if God is willing..

Having children in the 20's is the preferred option ,when they are in their peak condition and more able to weather the strains of parent hood. They are physically stronger and agile than in their 30's where their system has slowed down .

Comments are welcome.

Good communication skills in marriage is essential.

Do not expect the men to be crystal ball readers or have telepathic abilities to read your mind. They are not X-Men and cannot fathom your inner thoughts.

It is vital that you can communicate your thoughts, feelings and desires to him and similarly understands what he is trying to tell you . This is easier said than done because men and women are not from the same world.

The man only thinks with one side of his brain and I do not know why they do not use the other side ,whereas woman thinks with both sides of her brain.

That is why she is able to multitask while he can only have a one track mind. He can only focus on one thing at a time .Anything more than that will cause a mishap. .

With this modern age , there are so many forms of communication equipments at our disposal, computer, emails, 3G phones, fax, SMS ,MSM , VMS, telephone.. etc . Yet, miscommunications , bad communications or the lack of communications is the leading cause of breakdowns in marriage.

The husband and wife misunderstood each other because they could not convey what they meant or their real intentions.
While technology has advanced by leaps and bounce, the communications between some married couples are still in the stone age.

When you get married, you begin life’s perilous journey with your partner and may God help you. That in the course of your journey , you do not encounter too many storms or the perfect storm, which can make or break your marriage asunder.

We were mostly left to our own devices and to groped in the dark alleys and learned from our own mistakes.It was like embarking on a long journey with an alien or someone whom you thought you knew very well and you made the best along the way.
It is a new journey of discovery for the both of you.The part of s/he you have never seen before.

Many of our misunderstandings stems from our lacked of a deeper knowledge and understanding of the opposite sex and the stereotyping of the other genders by the news media or society.

We were either brought up with the wrong ideas about each others sex or we formed our own wrong ideas watching from others or our own faulty and imperfect parent modal.

DAVID C. PACK said, "The role of the husband is to try to take the lead in proper communications with his wife. Many a case in a married family , it is the man that do not understand that woman do have a need to communicate with another adult . A two way traffic kind of communications."

Many men do not realize that women do have a need to talk and communicate.Some men do realize it but thinks women are being too ‘frivolous’ and sometimes bothering on the neurotic side.

The man do not see or appear to understand the perspective from the wife's side and further more, they have talked too much in the office and have no more wish or too tired to engage in any conversations with their wife. They have different expectations from each other due to their circumstances.

They wished to be left alone or in solitude. They come home from work , sit down and watched TV ,read the papers or appear to be busy with work, thereby have no opportunity to talk to their wives.

The husbands do not understand that their full time housewife has been in the house detentions with those cheeky little cute children or just facing those four empty walls and have a need to talk or chat to relief their frustrations .

Not getting the chance to chat with the husband , they will go and chat with those neighbours or any of their friends or by phone, MSM or Skype.

If a man wants to improve his marriage and make it last , he will have to give his wife some quality time .She has got needs too.

You don't have to ask her anything.She will be like those heavy laden water filled dark clouds, waiting to rain down upon your signal .

Just send one lightning signal from you and it will pour down instantly.For some, it may need alittle bit of coaxing before those constipated loads gets unleashed.

The man must also be very careful of the tones of his voice..Woman are great readers of tones,,Don't sound harsh ,loud or superior but tender , understanding and concerned.Their heart is like a mouse , easily frightened and scurry back into their nest.

The wife should encourage and opened up their husbands, use a can opener or a hammer and chisel to praised open their tongues which seems like glued to the bottom of their mouth.

Give him a light massage and he will appreciate it and will listened to you talk..He feels relaxed and will be in the mood to communicate with you.Share yourself with one another. Open up!

It is a serious mistake not to communicate in marriage. Do things together and you will find that you have more opportunities to talk and know more about each other.

However, I have seen couples fight and don't see eye to eye on many issues all the time but I don't know how they can still tolerate each other. This is more true in our father's generations.They are like kids who fight and then make up again till the next round .

If you don't communicate well, soon it will be winter and there will be an ice barrier between you two and the chasm will widened leading to silence is golden.

Your spouse may find you MIA even when you are at home and one of the partners may start to look outside of the marriage to satisfy her/his cravings..

Find some quality time where the two of you can be together undisturbed.This can perked up your marriage and make it strong..Don't bottled it up until it explodes.

Just show your care and concerned for the little things which meant a lot to her.The house is an extension of her personality . Truly , that's the way to her heart and soul.You will be speaking her language of love where she can understands.